Know This, Know Me

NYT today had a piece about 11 Canadian expats that was charming (is there another word to describe...

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 02:58:00 -0400

NYT today had a piece about 11 Canadian expats that was charming (is there another word to describe them). It was so charming that I could not pick just one quote; however, it was NOT so charming that I felt a need to go beyond two.

I remember singing “God Save the Queen” every morning in school. “Long live our noble Queen!” we belted, thousands of us tubby little obedient Canadians. I guess it worked. She’s still alive.

—Rick Moranis

I realize I know nothing about Canada beyond poutin and those amazing sugary maple-leave candies at fairs every fall, which are probably not Canadian at all. I knew it had some sort of relationship with England, what with their lax immigration and decorative dollars. But 1965? They’re lucky a maple leaf is ALL their flag has on it.

The city [Vancouver] has the worst pizza. To be fair, it’s more like a tie for last with every other Canadian city. In fact, I miss how charmingly terrible the pizza is. It’s like watching a preschool ballet recital.
—A.C. Newman

I know nothing but this is real. I think. Well, nobody died...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:26:00 -0400

I know nothing but this is real. I think. Well, nobody died today, except for the rumored thing Natalie Portman falling off a cliff in New Zealand while shooting. Shooting a film. These season 3 Mad Men promos would be exciting if they weren’t filled with clips from seasons past. Audrina Patridge gets jobs off Craigslist, too. Oh, and for pool party this weekend.

"I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love..."

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 19:32:52 -0400

“I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light …”

- guess who!

These German people kidnapped their financial advisor because...

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:06:47 -0400

These German people kidnapped their financial advisor because they lost money, which he invested in FLORIDA. Anyway, it’s actually horrible except for the part where the kidnapped guy tells them he can get money if they let him fax a bank in Switzerland and he puts some code for “call police” on it, and the bank does. And he’s saved! But, all through the article said, he was repeatedly with hit a “Zimmer frame” And I was like Was das??? A walker. It’s a fucking walker. No wonder they were so upset about their Florida investment gone bad.

It’s all memes and no news today. Fluff. And probably...

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:19:00 -0400

It’s all memes and no news today. Fluff. And probably hairballa when this dog’s done. Find more animals humping the wrong animals at Holy Taco, whose name I detest but gallery I find thorough. I used to think sodomy was humans and animals.

Anyway! Why it took so long to get old people a lookbook is scathing reflection of fashion blogging today. Advanced Style (so good!, I know) shows old people looking better than you. Mostly!

Make It Happen, Hollywood

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 13:23:00 -0400

I am supposed to wait until the end of the day to write this shit, but it is too early and this is too great. I was just in Berlin and can confirm that German advertisers love Britney Spears so I think it’s safe to say this is as true as the Holocaust. Britney Spears has been given a script to movie called The Yellow Star. If she were to accept (she will), she would play

“the main role of Sophia LaMont, who creates a time machine and travels back to World War II where she meets a Jewish man called Eton at a concentration camp.”

Ugh. Welcome back to my little side project that I approach with the dutiful step of a German...

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:22:00 -0400

Ugh. Welcome back to my little side project that I approach with the dutiful step of a German waitress who knows you don’t speak the language. Look I don’t know what happened today. Jon and Kate filed for divorced. I never watched the show, but I felt sadness. Sadness for a marriage lost, for whored-out kids divided, and fame withered. I almost want to send an email saying WaS iT wOrTh It?!?

Then there was this little You Look Like a Little Black Boy clip from Videogum. OMG. I didn’t even realize he was she the first time around. No, but, really, REALLy where is this video from. They have no discernable accent so I am going to go with Colorado, Arizona, Utah. “You look like a boy. A LITTLE BLACK BOY.”

A study found that 70 percent of people show a gender bias towards men being good at match and science. I fully endorse this bias because I never desired to be good at science or math. It seemed like only a girl who looked like a little black boy would be good at one of those two. Like every TV show and movie that features school, features an English class, particularly the rogue English teacher who has ideas — ideas — that she is going to do things differently. She does and she is fired but not before she changes lives. Wouldn’t you rather be in that class?

I am really troubled by this Neda story in Iran. I saw the picture of her right before she died and watched the video of her death (think about it before you do that). I felt sad, for the woman not the cuntry (whoops, sorry Iran). And then Double X pointed out that the whole thing is suspect — the equivelant of a snuff movie that’s turning into some martyrdom myth because nobody can confirm the woman was shot by a basij (young, conservative volunteer soldiers who wear street clothes and happen to be virgins) member except this “doctor” who has email.

“At 19:05 June 20th Place: Karekar Ave., at the corner crossing Khosravi St. and Salehi st. A young woman who was standing aside with her father watching the protests was shot by a basij member hiding on the rooftop of a civilian house. He had clear shot at the girl and could not miss her. However, he aimed straight her heart.

I am a doctor, so I rushed to try to save her. But the impact of the gunshot was so fierce that the bullet had blasted inside the victim’s chest, and she died in less than 2 minutes. The protests were going on about 1 kilometers away in the main street and some of the protesting crowd were running from tear gass used among them, towards Salehi St.

The film is shot by my friend who was standing beside me. Please let the world know.”

And you know what? You can’t confirm deaths via email. But I can confirm this person we’re calling Neda is definitely dead.

And, finally, look at this fucking hipster book deal.

This is kind of worth 1:57 seconds of your life.

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 17:14:37 -0400

This is kind of worth 1:57 seconds of your life.

It’s a Slow Loris, which is also my new screen name.

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:34:52 -0400

It’s a Slow Loris, which is also my new screen name.

Photo

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:33:00 -0400

Wow! Grey Gardens frame by frame. I was discussing this with my...

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:17:21 -0400

Wow! Grey Gardens frame by frame. I was discussing this with my therapist last night, who judging by this blog is the only person I talk to (she is). And I was saying I wanted to do a series on types of crazy mothers, like What Kind of Crazy Is Your Mom. And she helped me come up with a giagantic list — enmeshed, self-effacing, obsessive, burdoned, envious, yet get the picture. But then talk turned philosphical: what comes first the crazy mom or the crazy daughter? In GG, it seems that the mother started off crazy but is the more lucid throughout while Little Edie is totally delusional. Anyway, we decided, mother. The crazy mother comes first.

Photo

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 13:08:51 -0400

want!

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 12:46:01 -0400

want!

One of life’s greatest challenges: pilling a cat. [via]

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 10:00:00 -0400

One of life’s greatest challenges: pilling a cat.

[via]

1973 Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth Commission logo

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 09:39:19 -0400

1973 Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth Commission logo

Well Susan Boyle got a makeover (or maybe just a leather jacket), but I agree that the whole Susie...

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 01:21:00 -0400

Well Susan Boyle got a makeover (or maybe just a leather jacket), but I agree that the whole Susie saga was a staged. This guy unnecesarily subjected himself to waterboarding in the name of journalism when Christopher Hitchens did it months ago; this guy wrote a song about it. I am pretty much taking all this stuff off Flavorwire, so you could just read that tomorrow instead. I found out what a book sculpture would look like (wanted to know) and wrote a post about Kindles that generated little to no discussion.

But what did I eat? Frozen yogurt that tasted like soft ice cream, none of that tart shit. It was chocolate and vanilla swirl, with sprinkles on the top and bottom, and the highlight of my day. I also ate lasagna, a wichcraft sandwich, and possibly a shrimp tempura roll. This is getting embarrassing. Maybe I should do my food diary elsewhere?

Anyway, I told my therapist how I wished our sessions could be more like In Treatment, and I’d get mad at her and scream and throw things and she’d say “can’t you see you’re in love with me?” But that brought me to Paul getting sued and I wondered, aloud, how it could be possible for shrinks to defend themselves. And she said, “notes.” And I was like, “Molly, Paul doesn’t take notes. Do any therapists take notes?” And, you know what? She fucking takes notes. She pulled out my file and showed me like 20 pages of handwritten notes that she’s kept over the last year and a half. They we’re like “adopts a neurotic affect” “Talks negatively about self.” “Hates Foster City.”

This is not a personal blog.

Adam Lambert is not someone you should know, but it will...

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 10:10:37 -0400

Adam Lambert is not someone you should know, but it will probably end up so.

Both humans and chimps can get alopecia.

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:46:00 -0400

Both humans and chimps can get alopecia.

For Emily, Wherever the Internet May Find Her

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 10:03:00 -0400

Ha! Well here we are, April 21. Age 30. Single (and luvahing it in a sad, Sex in the City sort of way). That was a lie. But what’s not a lie is that my therapist told me I needed an outlet and my roommate told me she needed a blog. And, I said, “well I don’t know now. All those have been shut down. Maybe I’ll start a newsletter for people who don’t sit in front of the Internet all day.” But then I realized a blog, could get me noticed, make me big and famous and help me lead a righteous, more Christ-like life. Just like the last five did!

So here I will come each day, every day, except for the days I don’t and tell you what you need to know if you want to sound smart when you talk to me. It will be great. Our conversations will be great. Our eternal salvation in the highest heaven for those in the know will be the greatest. Won’t you join me?