NYT today had a piece about 11 Canadian expats that was charming (is there another word to describe them). It was so charming that I could not pick just one quote; however, it was NOT so charming that I felt a need to go beyond two.

I remember singing “God Save the Queen” every morning in school. “Long live our noble Queen!” we belted, thousands of us tubby little obedient Canadians. I guess it worked. She’s still alive.

—Rick Moranis

I realize I know nothing about Canada beyond poutin and those amazing sugary maple-leave candies at fairs every fall, which are probably not Canadian at all. I knew it had some sort of relationship with England, what with their lax immigration and decorative dollars. But 1965? They’re lucky a maple leaf is ALL their flag has on it.

The city [Vancouver] has the worst pizza. To be fair, it’s more like a tie for last with every other Canadian city. In fact, I miss how charmingly terrible the pizza is. It’s like watching a preschool ballet recital.

—A.C. Newman

Make It Happen, Hollywood

I am supposed to wait until the end of the day to write this shit, but it is too early and this is too great. I was just in Berlin and can confirm that German advertisers love Britney Spears so I think it’s safe to say this is as true as the Holocaust. Britney Spears has been given a script to movie called The Yellow Star. If she were to accept (she will), she would play

“the main role of Sophia LaMont, who creates a time machine and travels back to World War II where she meets a Jewish man called Eton at a concentration camp.”

Ugh. Welcome back to my little side project that I approach with the dutiful step of a German waitress who knows you don’t speak the language. Look I don’t know what happened today. Jon and Kate filed for divorced. I never watched the show, but I felt sadness. Sadness for a marriage lost, for whored-out kids divided, and fame withered. I almost want to send an email saying WaS iT wOrTh It?!?

Then there was this little You Look Like a Little Black Boy clip from Videogum. OMG. I didn’t even realize he was she the first time around. No, but, really, REALLy where is this video from. They have no discernable accent so I am going to go with Colorado, Arizona, Utah. “You look like a boy. A LITTLE BLACK BOY.”

A study found that 70 percent of people show a gender bias towards men being good at match and science. I fully endorse this bias because I never desired to be good at science or math. It seemed like only a girl who looked like a little black boy would be good at one of those two. Like every TV show and movie that features school, features an English class, particularly the rogue English teacher who has ideas — ideas — that she is going to do things differently. She does and she is fired but not before she changes lives. Wouldn’t you rather be in that class?

I am really troubled by this Neda story in Iran. I saw the picture of her right before she died and watched the video of her death (think about it before you do that). I felt sad, for the woman not the cuntry (whoops, sorry Iran). And then Double X pointed out that the whole thing is suspect — the equivelant of a snuff movie that’s turning into some martyrdom myth because nobody can confirm the woman was shot by a basij (young, conservative volunteer soldiers who wear street clothes and happen to be virgins) member except this “doctor” who has email.

“At 19:05 June 20th Place: Karekar Ave., at the corner crossing Khosravi St. and Salehi st. A young woman who was standing aside with her father watching the protests was shot by a basij member hiding on the rooftop of a civilian house. He had clear shot at the girl and could not miss her. However, he aimed straight her heart.

I am a doctor, so I rushed to try to save her. But the impact of the gunshot was so fierce that the bullet had blasted inside the victim’s chest, and she died in less than 2 minutes. The protests were going on about 1 kilometers away in the main street and some of the protesting crowd were running from tear gass used among them, towards Salehi St.

The film is shot by my friend who was standing beside me. Please let the world know.”

And you know what? You can’t confirm deaths via email. But I can confirm this person we’re calling Neda is definitely dead.

And, finally, look at this fucking hipster book deal.